JML Keepers: Winners & Losers

With the submission of keepers to the commissioner’s office, a new year of fantasy football is upon us. In the first post of The (Un)Athletic, we examine the winners and the losers of Keeper Season(TM).

WINNERS

• Dingus Brigade: When you have the reigning MVP slotted at an 11th-round loss, that’s an easy bullet to bite. When you add on that you also get Alvin Kamara, a Champion of Life at the University of Tennessee under Butch Jones, at a 6th-round value, it’s tough to complain.
• Slaughterhouse: Coming off a solid season, Slaughterhouse is poised to challenge for the Turducken Trophy once again with keepers Sony Michel and Nick Chubb as well as afterthought George Kittle. The tough battle for the aforementioned backs will be to stay motivated outside of the hedges.
• Armchair All-Stars: Tyreek Hill is an 11th-round value steal but a 900th-round value person. The ethical decision of keeping such a player is one worthy of a used car salesman, but Armchair All-Stars comes in as a winner because of Robert Woods and Baker Mayfield, who has the honor of turning and handing the pigskin to Slaughterhouse’s Nick Chubb, a surefire future Hall of Famer and all-around good human being.

LOSERS

• Lazy Litten: While Jimmy Garoppolo may have posted good numbers at the start of the 2018-19 season, he is slotted in as QB17 in most fantasy value rankings. At a second-round draft position to keep the QB, did Lazy Litten reach? You bet your ass they did.
• That’s NOT Snowflake, FarveDollarFootLong, Grubie’s Grinders: They were inactive, and thus lost out on #KeeperSZN. Also, Favre is spelled incorrectly in one of those team names. Shame.
• All of Us: Because you’ve read to this point and because I’ve typed this many words on Fantasy Football and we haven’t drafted yet. Oh well, not getting that time back.